Wilbur and I meet up at a coffee house for the first time. He is late. Very very late and never calls to let me know this. 30 min in, I’ve already enjoyed my hot peppermint tea and am getting ready to head out, but the chair is comfty and the book I brought is getting to the good part.
Just as the good part is getting really really GOOD a guy walks in matching the pic from the EH.
And his nostrils are HUGE!
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good strong nose (I’m Jewish, it’s hardwired into me). But this guys nostrils are huge and… drippy. He has a cold. I feel kinda bad cause we have all been there and I don’t want to judge but…. He didn’t bring tissues so the whole date I just KNOW he is going to be sniffle city sucking it back for some major postnasal drip.
Ew.
We hug, it’s awkward (I blame the hugs on myself. I am a hugger. Hugs are good.). See, we both got into that hug handshake loop where you are not sure what to do and end up in an awkward hug because well, you’ve both gone in for it once so why not. We laugh it off, sit down then the hops up to go get himself a drink.
SO we chat, he’s nice enough, works in a boring sector of law that I don’t quite understand but I nod and mmmhmmm my way through him discussing why it’s soooo interesting and how can they expect him to work more and then we get to the topic of pets.. somehow.
I have two cats (I know I know, crazy cat lady gonna never have sex again). He has a whippet. He finds it strange that I know the breed. One of my best girls in college had two of them. I like the breed well enough but prefer less hyper stressed skinny dogs.
Somehow the topic of tags and legal city ordinances come up. Turns out he thinks it’s silly that he has to pay more for a dog license because he refuses to get his dog fixed. Because he says he doesn’t want to pay to get him fixed. So what if his dog humps people and furniture, it’s not hurting anyone. He hardly ever humps other dogs so it’s fine.
Yeah.. uh-huh… fine… sure….
We go for a walk along the boardwalk and talk. He keeps doing that “put hands on the girl and steer her through people traffic like a gentleman” which would be charming…. Had there been people to steer me around. It was just like “Errr I can walk… you don’t have to steer me around air.”
Personal bubble was really pushed with this guy.
The talk was vanilla, and I tried to explain my love of roller derby and told him how the next weekend I was really excited because I was working a position on the ref team I had never done before but had been working hard to do. He asked if we could do lunch and I said maybe the week after because I had to get to the track early. I had set up/volunteer work/prep to do.
We made small talk galore (weather… it was nice.. politics, well he talked about that, I had and have no opinion… movies, we agreed on a few… air, we both enjoy it keeping us alive) and then we went back to my car. He had ridden a bike. He didn’t think it was funny that I didn’t know how to ride one. He said it was really sad… Like he felt really sorry for me and everything.
We exchange pleasantries, say maybe we can hang out again, less awkward hug. I find a ticket on my car because apparently I had paid for the wrong space on the electronic meter hub… I hate those with a vengeance.
I would rate this date: Vanilla. Not as boring as the first Wilbur, and he was “nice” but there was little chemistry.
I get an email later that week from him asking me to a hockey game. Now I love Hockey, it’s two of my fav teams. But it’s on the day I told him I had Derby so I tell him would love to but rain check, I have stuff.
He gets uppity and tells me it’s not a big deal for me to be late to derby, it’s just a game.
Ummmmmmmm
No.
Flaring Nostrils Wilbur just got points taken off his already low score.
Don’t tell me to skip something that I told you was important to me for a second date. You were not that impressive. And I made a commitment. What kind of guy asks someone they just met to skip something just to see them?
Flaring nostrils Wilbur did not get another response. I hope he recovered from his cold and found a personality.
And got his dog fixed.
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